I almost pulled him out of preschool because he was having a hard time summoning the courage to play with the other kids. Each morning he would exit the car, climb the hill atop the playground and stand there alone, staring at all the kids running and playing together. I’d give him my best smile, pull out of sight and cry my way home – the sheer vulnerability of my child too much to bear.

This was the exact vision before me when listening to my now college student lament the beginnings of navigating a new school where he doesn’t know a soul. A school he chose to transfer to because it offers a better program for his desired major. A school that is eleven hours from home and two states over from his girlfriend – his person. 

I know he’s in the right place; my mama gut tells me so. I know he’s going to make lifelong friends just like those he made all those years ago in preschool when I was sure the right thing to do was scoop him up and take him home. I know he’s got everything it takes (and more) to nail this year and be well on his way to realizing his dreams. What I don’t know is the timeline of when it’s all going to click and he’s going to run down that hill and join in on the fun – feeling a part of the community around him. 

It doesn’t take long for this control-seeking mama to fall into the all-too familiar pattern of looking for ways to fix it. But I know there is someone who loves this kid more than I am humanly capable of. I’m told He has this grand plan that’s all sorts of perfect with every moment laid out with intention and purpose. He’s also got a plan b and c should my guy take unexpected paths and need to somehow loop his way back to start. If only my mind could reconcile this truth with my restless heart.

“As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same presence stays with you as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.” (Jesus Calling Devotional, reflection based on Ephesians 3:20 and Exodus 33:14)

It’s a daily, often moment to moment choice to align my heart with all my mind knows to be true. All too often I crave a direct line to speak with the man in charge.

 “I’m sorry to bother you again sir, but it’s now been a week – yes – seven whole days and he hasn’t met anyone yet. Just checking in to make sure you are paying attention? You have logged all my requests, yes? I’ve submitted quite a few, I know. It’s just that I love him Lord and he’s mine you see. I’m supposed to protect him, open the right doors and a window now and then if needed. It’s my job to make it better; to fix whatever needs fixing.

I realize of course that this is a bit of a custom order so I understand it may take time, as not just any friend will do for this guy. He needs someone that can match his quick wit and relate to a sense of humor that is simply unrelatable to most. He needs a dynamic, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda personality to match this mind of his that is always searching for the next adventure – the next opportunity to keep life light and live in the moment.

What’s that you say? Breathe? In and out – yes – I remember the rhythm. He’s yours you say? Well, yes, I guess technically he is. So, you’ve really got this then? I give you my trust in exchange for your promise that you will work all things for good? Ok. Yes. I get it. I’m handing him over Lord. But I’m keeping a close eye. And Lord? Thank you. I can’t wait to see what you will do.”