He was only seven when his little sister moved in with us-which means, for seven years he had been the baby of the family-the perfect bookend to his brother, just twenty-three months older. To him, life was stable, happy and complete. At such a young age, it was impossible for me to explain the gentle nudging my heart had felt for several years; the clash between being overwhelmingly grateful for the miracle of my two boys and the absolute longing for the gift of another child. All at once my heart was so full, yet I knew, with certainty, that God was not finished with the creation of our family. I had struggled with this reality for years and could barely reconcile it all myself, never mind expect the heart of a seven year old to make peace with it.
Noah was really the only one in our family of four whose “placement” would be altered with the adoption of our little lady. He was the one who was being asked to accept an entirely new role-that of a big brother. It was a lot to ask and looking back, I often feel like I should have been more careful, wise and proactive about helping him prepare his heart to welcome this tiny stranger. I eventually learned, however, that this was not for me to do. It was between his heart, the heart of his sister and a soft blue blanket that would ultimately bring them together and create a bond unlike that of anything I would have had the boldness to pray for.
Noah’s older brother TJ had been excited about a new sibling since the day we had told them we were considering adoption. He waited with an expectant heart and when Mary was finally with us, he was never far from her side. He was always asking to feed her a bottle, would run to her cries and took his role as protector very seriously. Noah, on the other hand, at least in the beginning, was entirely respectful of this new little person but was very reserved and guarded about his feelings toward her. He could never find the time to feed her with all the lego building he had to complete and the pictures he had to draw and he wasn’t much for sitting and snuggling, most likely for fear of what his cherished stuffed animal friends would think.
For the first few weeks, my mama’s heart was wracked with empathy for the one who use to be my baby and I worried that perhaps we had been too optimistic that everyone would adjust and things would work themselves out on their own. In God’s perfect timing however, Noah’s heart began to soften toward his sister and then — it happened. Noah was sitting on the floor snuggling with his blanket, his coveted-makes-anything-and-everything-better-can’t-be-without-it-loved-to-rags blanket. The ultimate comfort for this child of mine was when he found just the right “bite” and fell into his happy place with part of blankie in his mouth and the rest snuggled in his arms. I put Mary down on the rug next to Noah to run and grab something, and when I came back, I found them both sitting silently with blankie in their mouths. Mary had been close enough to grab hold of his blanket and, as if she knew this would be the perfect sign of her desire to connect with him, she took a bite of her own and broke through whatever remaining defenses Noah had.
When I first came back into the room and saw what Mary had done, I was, for a second anyway, rather terrified that Mary had crossed a line and this would not end well. Blankie is something I never would have dreamed of asking Noah to share. Truth be told, I wouldn’t have blamed Noah for tearing it away and asking us to kindly, and swiftly, return this little person that had stormed her way into his life. As it turns out, this moment was the final affirmation my heart had been waiting for. This big brother was indeed taken with his sister and, like a toast among the best of friends or a pinkie promise between childhood besties, this was Noah’s undeniable stamp of approval. And all at once, the absolute brilliance of God’s plan became crystal clear; perhaps this child joining our family wasn’t just about my mama’s heart after all.
For the past seven years now, I have watched my two sons embrace, love, protect and advocate for their sister with a loyalty that is fierce-and remarkable. The following video is just the latest example of a brother’s love that knows no bounds. It’s about a minute long, so I encourage you to watch, absorb and please share. Noah’s artistry truly captures the beauty of their bond and the pride he has in his sister who is redefining every day what it means to live with-and ROCK- her bonus chromosome. I’d say it’s time we all took a minute to celebrate those living with Down Syndrome and the countless ways they simply make life more beautiful.
Happy World Down Syndrome Day!
https://youtu.be/YvUGKxl6DzU